Day 15!
What started as a phone conversation with a stranger turned into…
Hello everyone! It’s been a while since I wrote a publication here. Between creating new things that will be coming soon🤫😎, chronic illness episodes, and now some version of a head cold. Staying consistent on here hasn’t really been easy to do, but hey, that was never the plan anyway, seeing that I don’t make plans. But today, even though I feel like crap and my energy feels drained, it’s been on my mind to finish this, which I sadly started two weeks ago. But anyway, let’s jump into today’s story without further ado!
If you’ve been reading along, you already know that I am extremely introverted. And honestly, how I became a popular loner is still a mystery to me, even though it’s very accurate. So, when it came to my favorite coordinator saying she would connect me with someone, I was both interested, due to my struggles with writing, but I was also extremely nervous. My mind was literally racing about who this person was, and also how we were going to connect, and most of all,l how he was going to be able to help me when I had no clue how to explain how difficult the entire process was. I also definitely knew I wasn’t going to be the first person to reach out. I barely do that with people I’m close to. And yes, I know that’s probably not the best way to be a friend, but honestly, I feel like the people closest to me understand.
At the end of the day, I just don’t want to bother anyone. But anyway, I don’t want to jump too far off topic that I can’t bring it back to the point of this publication. Interestingly enough, not being able to stay on topic or connect dots well is how writing kept me from skipping grades. Funny how, with that being the case,e I would eventually become an author. Still even blows my mind. Crazy how things work out. And that’s how I’m going to connect all of this.
When she first told me she might know someone who could help, my initial reaction was excitement. But then the racing thoughts started to begin. I was hoping she gave him my number, so I didn’t have to reach out to him. But what she did was very fitting and calmed my nerves in the slightest of ways. She put the three of us into a group chat to introduce us. And seeing that I had never been in a position of the sort, I didn’t know what to do other than to write hello, thank you,u andweI left it at that. A few weeks went by, and while I was going through yet another episode. He called and left a voicemail. I was upset with myself for not seeing the call, because this now put me back in the scenario I didn’t want to be in, and that was me having to call. I listened to the voicemail like ten times,s paced back and forth for what felt like hours, rs and then I researched the guy, hoping it would motivate me to pick up the phone and call him back. This was me for the next few days until I finally got myself to call him back. But of course, I didn’t stay there long. I think I hung up after a ring and a half if I let it ring that long! My heart was beating so fast I couldn’t take it. I literally felt like this must be how fans feel when they meet their favorite celebrity. Because I definitely felt like I was about to pass out. Like Michael Jackson fans did at his concert,s and this was just over me making a simple phone call. I won’t even begin to confuse you by saying that I worked at call centers and also had jobs specifically doing outbound calls, ls but somehow this was still getting the best of me. And although I’ve become pretty good at explaining things, this most definitely does not qualify as one. I have no clue how to explain it.
Over the next couple of days, we played phone tag consistently missing each other’s calls; my phone literally stayed silent. And before trying to make content, it barely even stayed in my hands or near me unless I was listening to music. The,n final, ly it happened, we had our first 20-minute conversation, 10 mins of me stuttering over my words do my best to explain where I was and a bit of what I went through, and then ten minutes of notetaking from him with concepts I had never heard or thought to try. And immediately after we got off the phone, I ordered his book before I even took a minute to calm my nerves and sit down and process the notes I took. Mind you, I NEVER took notes in school, to me it was pointless, since I couldn’t read my handwriting anyway.
But for the next 2 weeks, I used everything he said in the phone call as I went back through from the beginning of my autobiography to my stuck point. And when he called again. This was the moment that things were really about to start to change.
Stay tuned in!
There’s still so much more to come!
As always,s thank you so much for your time and support!
If you would like to donate, you can always...get me a☕here Link
Love always,
Johnell Newman




My brother, you have a lot of courage for publicly talking about your struggles, but I think it's important because I bet there are millions of people who deal with similar nerves and you prove to them that it's actually quite normal and they aren't alone.
This is so beautiful